on my way to square one

i have been away for too long but, now, i am going back to square one. to the place where broken hearts couldnt seem to touch me, where all i knew was laughters under the blue sky, where life's philosophy could be found in beautiful sunsets and bob guev's class.
bob guev is the guru. he was my philo teacher. he wasn't brad pitt hunky. he wasn't hunky at all but the moment he opened his mouth to speak, every single student in the class would have their light bulbs moment. i remember how in awe i was of him, how his teachings seemed so simple yet encompassing and transcending at the same time. and the best thing was, they were spoken, not in the antiquated language of aquinas or marcel BUT in the taglish filipino that everyone could understand and relate to.
i chatted with a fellow bobby guev-er from university a while ago and he gave me the link of another guev-er's blog. i saw a post which brought me back to my seat at SEC building, in bobby guev's class, a girl who wants to soak in every single wisdom the guru has to offer...

(a repost from kuya ubit's blog)


1. "Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya.."
2. "Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba.."

3. "Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang."

4. "Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na."

5. "Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin."

6. "Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo.. Dapat lumandi ka din."

7. "Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang."

8. "Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa."

9. "Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang."

10. "Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una."

11. "Hindi porke't madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa."

12. "Huwag magmadali sa babae o lalaki. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon, mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang maganda o nakakalibog ito. Totong mas mahalaga ang kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan nagmumukha ding pandesal, maniwala ka."

13. "Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority."

14. "Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hindi ikaw yung bida sa script na pinili nya."

15. "Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo."

16. "Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala"

17. "Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohan, at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan"

18. "Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lng yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!"

19. "Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal...nakakata kot mahulog...at kapag nahulog ka, it's either by accident or talagang tanga ka.."

LABS KO TO!

渡る

in two weeks' time, i will be saying goodbye to japan. to its cold winters and muggy summers, to its spring sakuras and serene autumn.
in two week's time, i will be saying goodbye to friends, to memories of him. but i guess certain memories, once stimulated flows to the top above the rest. i should be packing, but i came upon the diary i started when i was with the OZ bloke and time stopped as i read through the entries and remembered the silent moments, the spontaneous trips, the meals we made...

this is one of the entries:

they say time heals all wounds and transforms wails to laughters; tears to wistful smiles. one year and nine months, that was how long I cried for him. Not a single morning went by without me wishing he would share a cup with me; not a single sunset without wanting to hold his hands. One year and nine months of torturing myself over memories of , letting time pass me by just so i can stand still in the time when i was with him. A year and nine months of forced cheerfulness and lonely anguish.
Until YOU came.
You came, and now, weekends bring me happiness again.