on my way to square one

i have been away for too long but, now, i am going back to square one. to the place where broken hearts couldnt seem to touch me, where all i knew was laughters under the blue sky, where life's philosophy could be found in beautiful sunsets and bob guev's class.
bob guev is the guru. he was my philo teacher. he wasn't brad pitt hunky. he wasn't hunky at all but the moment he opened his mouth to speak, every single student in the class would have their light bulbs moment. i remember how in awe i was of him, how his teachings seemed so simple yet encompassing and transcending at the same time. and the best thing was, they were spoken, not in the antiquated language of aquinas or marcel BUT in the taglish filipino that everyone could understand and relate to.
i chatted with a fellow bobby guev-er from university a while ago and he gave me the link of another guev-er's blog. i saw a post which brought me back to my seat at SEC building, in bobby guev's class, a girl who wants to soak in every single wisdom the guru has to offer...

(a repost from kuya ubit's blog)


1. "Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya.."
2. "Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba.."

3. "Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang."

4. "Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na."

5. "Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin."

6. "Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo.. Dapat lumandi ka din."

7. "Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang."

8. "Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa."

9. "Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang."

10. "Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una."

11. "Hindi porke't madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa."

12. "Huwag magmadali sa babae o lalaki. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon, mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang maganda o nakakalibog ito. Totong mas mahalaga ang kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan nagmumukha ding pandesal, maniwala ka."

13. "Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority."

14. "Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hindi ikaw yung bida sa script na pinili nya."

15. "Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo."

16. "Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala"

17. "Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohan, at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan"

18. "Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lng yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!"

19. "Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal...nakakata kot mahulog...at kapag nahulog ka, it's either by accident or talagang tanga ka.."

LABS KO TO!

after sex, after lust, after love

Hold it! Before you click the "flag inappropriate content" button somewhere on this page, hear me out first.

Last night, I watched a movie off the internet entitled "After Sex" not because i was feeling horny BUT because I was curious. The movie doesn't have the usual script. It is a quilt of different scenarios of what happens after sex between homosexual couples, heterosexual ones, between "just friends", between stangers, between old timers, and between disillusioned ex lovers. Surely, everyone will find themselves in one of the 9 scenarios and will be left giggling ang sighing.

The movie opens with "love is a leap of faith. it's like throwing yourself out there without any guarantees!", goes through "You're forgetting the first gay couple, R2D2 and C3PO." and ends with "I am honest...I am not ashamed of who I am..."

In the end, After Sex is all about the truth that people find about themselves and about the relationship before the morning comes, when the lights are turned off, after sex.

(trailer)
http://www.supernovatube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=1191238962

trust me on this one. watch it!

noypi-aussie stat

Mimie, once she knew he was Australian, immediately told me, in an as-a-matter-of-fact manner that 90 % of Filipinas who are with Australians are murdered by their partners. Who knows where she got this fact from or if there was any truth in it at all; she who disliked my Jewish ex boyfriend because it was the Jews who crucified Jesus Christ.(My mother is a devout Catholic and perhaps she felt the need to avenge the Savior’s death by depriving me of happiness.) I told her that 90% is quiet a high number, it would mean that in every 100 Filipinas only 10% would live and who knows in what condition they are surviving; in constant fear I would presume, what with the statistic menacingly hanging over their heads like a pall. One small domestic argument and the poor Filipina could be a part of the statistic.
The population of the Filipinas I imagine will eventually be in negative rate. The remaining others would be paired off with other nationalities for which my mother has some inauspicious statistics readily fabricated, and tailored according to her opinion. And why on earth does it only have to be Filipinas? Her statistic is exclusive only to the female of the bunch, not Filipinos. Sure Filipinas are small and appear to look fragile as compared to their Aussie would-be murderer, but believe you me, there are Australian women who could topple a strong Filipino man with just a single punch!
I have pondered about what my mother’s statistic really means, and I had told him about it. It had became a running joke between us, e.g. “So, is that how you are planning to make me unsolved case number X?” and, it would always send us reeling in laughter. Sitting now though, months after my mother’s now-infamous Filipina-Aussie Statistics, I am alive and well, but, I get the feeling that I am already halfway to my grave when he told me that he never was in love with me.

Sometime Back in 2005~2006

Either on a train to Beijing or to Hangzhou/ or on a beach in Hase Kamakura.

It is futile to fight what you feel; it is insanity to hold back the passion for it will only come back far stronger. Let it flow. Wallow. Indulge. Open the dam and let the raging tides turn and smash the stones together until all is empty. For only then can you close the gate back again and rebuild that which has been destroyed. If you should choose this way, then, we would be treading the same path.
It is not in my place to be wise. I still have a few more years to live before I can sit and ponder. But, if you would be arrogant enough to act the sear, then I say…

I am still not far from that time and place. In fact, it seemed that I haven’t really moved at all…