Hold it! Before you click the "flag inappropriate content" button somewhere on this page, hear me out first.
Last night, I watched a movie off the internet entitled "After Sex" not because i was feeling horny BUT because I was curious. The movie doesn't have the usual script. It is a quilt of different scenarios of what happens after sex between homosexual couples, heterosexual ones, between "just friends", between stangers, between old timers, and between disillusioned ex lovers. Surely, everyone will find themselves in one of the 9 scenarios and will be left giggling ang sighing.
The movie opens with "love is a leap of faith. it's like throwing yourself out there without any guarantees!", goes through "You're forgetting the first gay couple, R2D2 and C3PO." and ends with "I am honest...I am not ashamed of who I am..."
In the end, After Sex is all about the truth that people find about themselves and about the relationship before the morning comes, when the lights are turned off, after sex.
(trailer)
http://www.supernovatube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=1191238962
trust me on this one. watch it!
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
blame it on the stars
Date of Birth: February 20,1981
Time of Birth: 12 noon
Place of Birth: Tagbilaran City, Philippines
What follows is your personal natal chart information, as well as interpretations of the positions and aspects in your chart.
Tagbilaran 0 Philippines 02/20/1981 12:25 - Julian day 2444655.68Adjust -8.00 ST 22.40 Lat 9.39 Long -123.51
Pisces is a sensitive sign—both sensitive to criticism and sensitive to others' feelings. They believe in people, are deeply hurt by compassionless human behavior, and have a hard time saying no.Many Pisces seem almost allergic to things like shopping lists, maps, directions, and instructions, and for some brave souls, even watches — they prefer to feel their way through life than to follow some plan.She is compassionate and sentimental.
You have a deep need to understand the world around you. You have high ideals and you have your eye on what's on the horizon. You are looking ahead, and at times can seem quite restless. You are proud of your knowledge and of your morals.
Your opinions are usually strong and you are an independent thinker.You are also very witty and others enjoy your playful and sometimes mischievous sense of humor.
Your identity rides on your sense of personal freedom. You are a very dynamic person who questions tradition and authority, yet, paradoxically, you can be quite set in your ways! Although a humanitarian in many ways, you can be a little brusque when it comes to sentimentality or what you perceive to be excessive attachment to the past or to tradition.
Her thirst for knowledge is never satisfied. She is full of mental activity. She undertakes exhaustive studies, always studying for pleasure. Likes journeys to faraway places, and can go to live abroad.She cannot stay in the same place, likes change even if it means a backward step in her professional career.
Her emotional and sex life is powerful and rich. She lives out truly passionate love affairs.Finds love abroad or marries a foreigner.She is very happy abroad.Likes long voyages, things foreign, water.Either marriage with a foreigner, or a marriage abroad, or marriage with a foreigner abroad.
Makes a good mother, watching over her children, spending the night in an armchair near a sick child, caring for and calming him/her with patience. Knows how to look after her home perfectly, how to iron out difficulties by her practical sense and thanks to her intelligence.
Time of Birth: 12 noon
Place of Birth: Tagbilaran City, Philippines
click OK
What follows is your personal natal chart information, as well as interpretations of the positions and aspects in your chart.
Tagbilaran 0 Philippines 02/20/1981 12:25 - Julian day 2444655.68Adjust -8.00 ST 22.40 Lat 9.39 Long -123.51
Pisces is a sensitive sign—both sensitive to criticism and sensitive to others' feelings. They believe in people, are deeply hurt by compassionless human behavior, and have a hard time saying no.Many Pisces seem almost allergic to things like shopping lists, maps, directions, and instructions, and for some brave souls, even watches — they prefer to feel their way through life than to follow some plan.She is compassionate and sentimental.
You have a deep need to understand the world around you. You have high ideals and you have your eye on what's on the horizon. You are looking ahead, and at times can seem quite restless. You are proud of your knowledge and of your morals.
Your opinions are usually strong and you are an independent thinker.You are also very witty and others enjoy your playful and sometimes mischievous sense of humor.
Your identity rides on your sense of personal freedom. You are a very dynamic person who questions tradition and authority, yet, paradoxically, you can be quite set in your ways! Although a humanitarian in many ways, you can be a little brusque when it comes to sentimentality or what you perceive to be excessive attachment to the past or to tradition.
Her thirst for knowledge is never satisfied. She is full of mental activity. She undertakes exhaustive studies, always studying for pleasure. Likes journeys to faraway places, and can go to live abroad.She cannot stay in the same place, likes change even if it means a backward step in her professional career.
Her emotional and sex life is powerful and rich. She lives out truly passionate love affairs.Finds love abroad or marries a foreigner.She is very happy abroad.Likes long voyages, things foreign, water.Either marriage with a foreigner, or a marriage abroad, or marriage with a foreigner abroad.
Makes a good mother, watching over her children, spending the night in an armchair near a sick child, caring for and calming him/her with patience. Knows how to look after her home perfectly, how to iron out difficulties by her practical sense and thanks to her intelligence.
Natural death in very old age. Inheritances.
That's myself there folks! And people say that one's personality is a product of socialization and genetics, well, they couldn't be more wrong, it's all in the stars!
Monday, May 19, 2008
time
i am not okay. weeks after the phone call i still turn my neck whenever a yellow car passes by, hoping that it was his, coming to pick me up; my heart still skips a beat whenever i hear a car revved, i still sleep on my side as if he is beside me hugging me to sleep. i still use his coffee cups, i still drink with his glasses, take photos with his camera, listen to his music. people tell me i should throw away these things so that forgetting would come easier. i can't. he was a part of me. he made me happy until it ended. throwing away the things he gave me seems to me that the sadness weighs more than the happiness i had with him. so i hang on to the remnants of pain and bliss.
people tell me too that time heal all wounds, that one day i will not dream of him anymore, that i will stop analyzing how it could had been better. this i truly believe in but how long will i stay this way?i believe that i have to wallow in my sadness so that i can wash it away clean. just when that washing will come, i still don't know. time, may time be merciful on me and come sooner. may it lick my wounds close, but may it leave me with my scars that i may not forget.
people tell me too that time heal all wounds, that one day i will not dream of him anymore, that i will stop analyzing how it could had been better. this i truly believe in but how long will i stay this way?i believe that i have to wallow in my sadness so that i can wash it away clean. just when that washing will come, i still don't know. time, may time be merciful on me and come sooner. may it lick my wounds close, but may it leave me with my scars that i may not forget.
coffee politics
since i came into the right to suffrage, there had been many elections in the philippines which i didn't vote for. it used to be because i had important thesis to do or some other schoolwork but then after university, ignorance of philippine politics and being jaded of the trapo (trash) politics became the reasons why i haven't voted in any elections.
don't get me wrong, i came from a family of political background but i really do not know why my cousins or uncle or the countless other politician relatives were elected to office. first of all, philippine politicians do not have clear cut idealogy. and even if they do, they have to articulate it in a very simplified language that the masses can undesrtand...which isn't much. so philippine politics has basically become a politics of pizaz and jazz, of mud slinging and vote buying. so tell me, who wouldn't be weary in all these things?! however, because i still believe that the filipino people deserve someone sensible than the incumbent ones, i have volunteered to non partisan vote counts whenever i can.
it was only recently that my interest in politics was born. it may just be unfortunate though that i became fascinated in american politics rather than the home grown ones. i have been following the primaries since it started thanks to cnn's the situation room's video podcasts.i am amazed at how different a republican's stand is from a democrat's on issues such as international politics, the economy, and social security! further, i am impressed at how each candidate know their policies so well and can navigate around them so deftly that they defend their policies so strongly to be different and better than the other's. i am astounded at how the political analysts know very well the demographic of each state thus enabling them to predict who would win in a certain primary!
my store of politcal jargon has already included words such as the starbucks voters; those educated yuppie uppity (NOT ELITIST! mind you)voters who are pro obama, and the dunkin donut voters; those blue collar workers and single mothers for clinton. if the electorate demographic in the philippines would be defined according to the coffee that they drink, there would be the roasted rice voters, the hand to mouth who drink coffee made from boiling roasted rice in water, and the 3-in-1 voters, the haves and educated ones. however, these two vote not much according to a candidate's platform of government but more on how much each candidate is willing to pay for their votes....(quack, quack, quack, quack!)
two days ago, i saw these interviews of sen. clinton and sen. obama by cnn's wolf blitzer. it strikes me as odd how sen. clinton got the vase of roses as her background while obama has the picture of the white house behind him...hhhhmmmm is that indicative of which candidate cnn is secretly supporting?
(wolf blitzer's interview with sen obama)http://edition.cnn.com/video/#/video/politics/2008/05/08/tsr.obama.interview.full.cnn?iref=videosearch
(wolf blitzer's interview with sen clinton)
http://edition.cnn.com/video/#/video/politics/2008/05/14/tsr.clinton.interview.cnn?iref=videosearch
of course people say that sen.clinton should quit the race but, i say jia you to her. fight on till the bell rings! whether it's sen. obama or sen. clinton, they'll surely win against sen.mccain. it just bother me though as both democrats once said on an interview that when they become the president, they would cut US outsourced international business operations! if this is true, then i suspect that many filipinos who are working for call centers or in the IBO industry might have to go jobless! but then again, that isn't until november.
(i am not making any sense in this post am i, i truly believe so, politics isn't just my cup of kape)
don't get me wrong, i came from a family of political background but i really do not know why my cousins or uncle or the countless other politician relatives were elected to office. first of all, philippine politicians do not have clear cut idealogy. and even if they do, they have to articulate it in a very simplified language that the masses can undesrtand...which isn't much. so philippine politics has basically become a politics of pizaz and jazz, of mud slinging and vote buying. so tell me, who wouldn't be weary in all these things?! however, because i still believe that the filipino people deserve someone sensible than the incumbent ones, i have volunteered to non partisan vote counts whenever i can.
it was only recently that my interest in politics was born. it may just be unfortunate though that i became fascinated in american politics rather than the home grown ones. i have been following the primaries since it started thanks to cnn's the situation room's video podcasts.i am amazed at how different a republican's stand is from a democrat's on issues such as international politics, the economy, and social security! further, i am impressed at how each candidate know their policies so well and can navigate around them so deftly that they defend their policies so strongly to be different and better than the other's. i am astounded at how the political analysts know very well the demographic of each state thus enabling them to predict who would win in a certain primary!
my store of politcal jargon has already included words such as the starbucks voters; those educated yuppie uppity (NOT ELITIST! mind you)voters who are pro obama, and the dunkin donut voters; those blue collar workers and single mothers for clinton. if the electorate demographic in the philippines would be defined according to the coffee that they drink, there would be the roasted rice voters, the hand to mouth who drink coffee made from boiling roasted rice in water, and the 3-in-1 voters, the haves and educated ones. however, these two vote not much according to a candidate's platform of government but more on how much each candidate is willing to pay for their votes....(quack, quack, quack, quack!)
two days ago, i saw these interviews of sen. clinton and sen. obama by cnn's wolf blitzer. it strikes me as odd how sen. clinton got the vase of roses as her background while obama has the picture of the white house behind him...hhhhmmmm is that indicative of which candidate cnn is secretly supporting?
(wolf blitzer's interview with sen obama)http://edition.cnn.com/video/#/video/politics/2008/05/08/tsr.obama.interview.full.cnn?iref=videosearch
(wolf blitzer's interview with sen clinton)
http://edition.cnn.com/video/#/video/politics/2008/05/14/tsr.clinton.interview.cnn?iref=videosearch
of course people say that sen.clinton should quit the race but, i say jia you to her. fight on till the bell rings! whether it's sen. obama or sen. clinton, they'll surely win against sen.mccain. it just bother me though as both democrats once said on an interview that when they become the president, they would cut US outsourced international business operations! if this is true, then i suspect that many filipinos who are working for call centers or in the IBO industry might have to go jobless! but then again, that isn't until november.
(i am not making any sense in this post am i, i truly believe so, politics isn't just my cup of kape)
Saturday, May 17, 2008
it's not in the age
it is 6.30 in the morning and my tranquil morning coffee time is disturbed by the ringing of the bells of the local jinja. an announcement in japanese then came on (i didn't fully understand the announcement but it somehow went like this) ;
"Ms. So and so has been missing since yesterday afternoon. She went out for a walk at around X time. She has gray hair, 130 cm tall, X kg. She was wearing a green X, brown pants, and a hat. If anyone has seen her, please call Mr.X at X number..."
when i heard this kind of announcement for the first time sometime back in 2006, i was immensely surprised. how could a family just let their old walk about alone? it would never happen in the philippines! how busy can a family be that none of them could be left home to look after the elderly? how lonely the elderly must feel; spending their days in dreadful routine of eating and walking about with no one to talk to and nothing else to do.
every time i see an ojiji (an old man) or an obaba (an old woman), with backs so hunched low because of osteoporosis, crossing a road or a street alone, my heart always goes out to them! once, i went to a burger place where the staff's uniform was green shorts, light green shirt and white sneakers, i was attended to by an old woman who could be older than my mother, and my mom' already 63! i couldn't help but notice how her fingers were so wrinkled when she punched in my order.
if only i could speak japanese, i would volunteer to talk to these lonely old people. they are fun to talk to. once i walked to work instead of riding my bicycle and this obaba who was from a place 30 minutes train ride away (that's what she told me) walked with me and we started to chat. although it was clear to both of us that we couldn't understand each other, we just kept on blabbing away! i wondered if she ever made it back home!
i used to want to rush to the elderly and help them until one day, i saw an obaba beating a younger woman who was just trying to help her stood up when she fell. japan has very strong and independent obabas and ojijis.
but strong as these old people may be, they must be terribly lonely with nothing else to look forward to, not even the yearly short visit that their children or grandchildren pay them with, not even the quiet kocha time in the afternoon when they can go back to the memories of their younger days; a past which will slowly fade away in time. nothing to look forward to but the coming of death. death which mercilessly doesn't come along until they are around 93. when they are eating away vitamins and supplements instead of food. when they are already so sick and alone.
my boss is 56 years old. he is single and basically lives in the office already. he goes to the office at 10 a.m. and leaves at around 4 in the morning the following day. he rarely goes out with friends and made nissin cup ramen his daily staple. when he got sick, i made him soup and would sometimes buy him take out just so he wouldn't have to eat the concoction of msgs and poor semblance of food. i would always stay behind for at least 10 minutes at the end of the day to talk to him about anything just so he wouldn't feel so lonely. whenever i go out of the office door, i would always remind him not to stay up so late and not to smoke. he would smile to me and say, "thank you" in almost a whisper. then, i would close the door, make my 30 minutes bike ride home, open my door to my empty apartment, tired, alone, no weekends to look forward to; i would mumble to myself, "loneliness doesn't choose it's prey."
"Ms. So and so has been missing since yesterday afternoon. She went out for a walk at around X time. She has gray hair, 130 cm tall, X kg. She was wearing a green X, brown pants, and a hat. If anyone has seen her, please call Mr.X at X number..."
when i heard this kind of announcement for the first time sometime back in 2006, i was immensely surprised. how could a family just let their old walk about alone? it would never happen in the philippines! how busy can a family be that none of them could be left home to look after the elderly? how lonely the elderly must feel; spending their days in dreadful routine of eating and walking about with no one to talk to and nothing else to do.
every time i see an ojiji (an old man) or an obaba (an old woman), with backs so hunched low because of osteoporosis, crossing a road or a street alone, my heart always goes out to them! once, i went to a burger place where the staff's uniform was green shorts, light green shirt and white sneakers, i was attended to by an old woman who could be older than my mother, and my mom' already 63! i couldn't help but notice how her fingers were so wrinkled when she punched in my order.
if only i could speak japanese, i would volunteer to talk to these lonely old people. they are fun to talk to. once i walked to work instead of riding my bicycle and this obaba who was from a place 30 minutes train ride away (that's what she told me) walked with me and we started to chat. although it was clear to both of us that we couldn't understand each other, we just kept on blabbing away! i wondered if she ever made it back home!
i used to want to rush to the elderly and help them until one day, i saw an obaba beating a younger woman who was just trying to help her stood up when she fell. japan has very strong and independent obabas and ojijis.
but strong as these old people may be, they must be terribly lonely with nothing else to look forward to, not even the yearly short visit that their children or grandchildren pay them with, not even the quiet kocha time in the afternoon when they can go back to the memories of their younger days; a past which will slowly fade away in time. nothing to look forward to but the coming of death. death which mercilessly doesn't come along until they are around 93. when they are eating away vitamins and supplements instead of food. when they are already so sick and alone.
my boss is 56 years old. he is single and basically lives in the office already. he goes to the office at 10 a.m. and leaves at around 4 in the morning the following day. he rarely goes out with friends and made nissin cup ramen his daily staple. when he got sick, i made him soup and would sometimes buy him take out just so he wouldn't have to eat the concoction of msgs and poor semblance of food. i would always stay behind for at least 10 minutes at the end of the day to talk to him about anything just so he wouldn't feel so lonely. whenever i go out of the office door, i would always remind him not to stay up so late and not to smoke. he would smile to me and say, "thank you" in almost a whisper. then, i would close the door, make my 30 minutes bike ride home, open my door to my empty apartment, tired, alone, no weekends to look forward to; i would mumble to myself, "loneliness doesn't choose it's prey."
Friday, May 16, 2008
真夏は果実
涙があふれる悲しい季節は
誰かに抱かれた夢を見る
泣きたい気持ちは言葉に出来ない
今夜も冷たい雨が降る
こらえきれなくてため息ばかり
今もこの胸に夏は巡る
四六時中も好きと言って
夢の中へ連れて行って
忘れられない Heart & Soul
声にならない
砂に書いた名前消して
波はどこへ帰るのか
通り過ぎ行く Love & Roll
愛をそのままに
マイナス100度の太陽みたいに
身体を湿らす恋をして
めまいがしそうな真夏の果実は
今でも心に咲いている
遠く離れても黄昏時［たそがれとき］は
熱い面影が胸に迫る
四六時中も好きと言って
夢の中へ連れて行って
忘れられない Heart & Soul
夜が待てない
砂に書いた名前消して
波はどこへ帰るのか
通り過ぎ行く Love & Roll
愛をそのままに
こんな夜は涙見せずに
また逢えると言って欲しい
忘れられない Heart & Soul
涙の果実よ
誰かに抱かれた夢を見る
泣きたい気持ちは言葉に出来ない
今夜も冷たい雨が降る
こらえきれなくてため息ばかり
今もこの胸に夏は巡る
四六時中も好きと言って
夢の中へ連れて行って
忘れられない Heart & Soul
声にならない
砂に書いた名前消して
波はどこへ帰るのか
通り過ぎ行く Love & Roll
愛をそのままに
マイナス100度の太陽みたいに
身体を湿らす恋をして
めまいがしそうな真夏の果実は
今でも心に咲いている
遠く離れても黄昏時［たそがれとき］は
熱い面影が胸に迫る
四六時中も好きと言って
夢の中へ連れて行って
忘れられない Heart & Soul
夜が待てない
砂に書いた名前消して
波はどこへ帰るのか
通り過ぎ行く Love & Roll
愛をそのままに
こんな夜は涙見せずに
また逢えると言って欲しい
忘れられない Heart & Soul
涙の果実よ
Thursday, May 15, 2008
noypi-aussie stat
Mimie, once she knew he was Australian, immediately told me, in an as-a-matter-of-fact manner that 90 % of Filipinas who are with Australians are murdered by their partners. Who knows where she got this fact from or if there was any truth in it at all; she who disliked my Jewish ex boyfriend because it was the Jews who crucified Jesus Christ.(My mother is a devout Catholic and perhaps she felt the need to avenge the Savior’s death by depriving me of happiness.) I told her that 90% is quiet a high number, it would mean that in every 100 Filipinas only 10% would live and who knows in what condition they are surviving; in constant fear I would presume, what with the statistic menacingly hanging over their heads like a pall. One small domestic argument and the poor Filipina could be a part of the statistic.
The population of the Filipinas I imagine will eventually be in negative rate. The remaining others would be paired off with other nationalities for which my mother has some inauspicious statistics readily fabricated, and tailored according to her opinion. And why on earth does it only have to be Filipinas? Her statistic is exclusive only to the female of the bunch, not Filipinos. Sure Filipinas are small and appear to look fragile as compared to their Aussie would-be murderer, but believe you me, there are Australian women who could topple a strong Filipino man with just a single punch!
I have pondered about what my mother’s statistic really means, and I had told him about it. It had became a running joke between us, e.g. “So, is that how you are planning to make me unsolved case number X?” and, it would always send us reeling in laughter. Sitting now though, months after my mother’s now-infamous Filipina-Aussie Statistics, I am alive and well, but, I get the feeling that I am already halfway to my grave when he told me that he never was in love with me.
The population of the Filipinas I imagine will eventually be in negative rate. The remaining others would be paired off with other nationalities for which my mother has some inauspicious statistics readily fabricated, and tailored according to her opinion. And why on earth does it only have to be Filipinas? Her statistic is exclusive only to the female of the bunch, not Filipinos. Sure Filipinas are small and appear to look fragile as compared to their Aussie would-be murderer, but believe you me, there are Australian women who could topple a strong Filipino man with just a single punch!
I have pondered about what my mother’s statistic really means, and I had told him about it. It had became a running joke between us, e.g. “So, is that how you are planning to make me unsolved case number X?” and, it would always send us reeling in laughter. Sitting now though, months after my mother’s now-infamous Filipina-Aussie Statistics, I am alive and well, but, I get the feeling that I am already halfway to my grave when he told me that he never was in love with me.
Sometime Back in 2005~2006
Either on a train to Beijing or to Hangzhou/ or on a beach in Hase Kamakura.
It is futile to fight what you feel; it is insanity to hold back the passion for it will only come back far stronger. Let it flow. Wallow. Indulge. Open the dam and let the raging tides turn and smash the stones together until all is empty. For only then can you close the gate back again and rebuild that which has been destroyed. If you should choose this way, then, we would be treading the same path.
It is not in my place to be wise. I still have a few more years to live before I can sit and ponder. But, if you would be arrogant enough to act the sear, then I say…
I am still not far from that time and place. In fact, it seemed that I haven’t really moved at all…
It is futile to fight what you feel; it is insanity to hold back the passion for it will only come back far stronger. Let it flow. Wallow. Indulge. Open the dam and let the raging tides turn and smash the stones together until all is empty. For only then can you close the gate back again and rebuild that which has been destroyed. If you should choose this way, then, we would be treading the same path.
It is not in my place to be wise. I still have a few more years to live before I can sit and ponder. But, if you would be arrogant enough to act the sear, then I say…
I am still not far from that time and place. In fact, it seemed that I haven’t really moved at all…
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